


December 20: the distance between

by dizzy



Series: farewell and gtfo 2016 daily fic advent [20]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 20:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8937139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Prompt: “what’s going through dan’s mind while on the train to manchester for the first time”





	

The bump of the train along its tracks jolt Dan’s stomach full of nerves, making the words on the magazine page swim in front of his eyes. He can’t remember the paragraph he just read. His mind isn’t processing anything, just a constant background hum of _Phil_ and _two more hours_ and _what the fuck am I doing_. 

His foot tap tap taps against the ground. The woman across the carriage from him lifts her head to glare. She’s got toothpaste on the corner of her mouth. He turns to the window and snickers, then flips the page of the magazine and looks down at a two page advert spread. 

He closes it and picks up his phone, loading up twitter to see if Phil’s replied to his last tweet. Kerrang is a shit magazine anyway. 

*

Phil texts him approximately once every three minutes. He’s trying to get ready, doesn’t want to miss the bus to the train station. He’s going to meet Dan, because apparently he’s just that excited and he didn’t want Dan to be nervous making his way through Manchester. 

Dan’s traveled plenty of places all by himself on the train, has done since he was fifteen and going out for day trips with his girlfriend into the music festival scene. But he likes that Phil wants to meet him there and he likes that he won’t have to obsessively worry over secondhand directions. 

Instead he’ll just obsessively worry over looking like an absolute idiot when he sees Phil for the first time or tripping and breaking his face or opening his mouth and saying something imbecilic. Is that better or worse? He’s not really sure. 

*

It would be easier if anything felt certain. 

Nothing does, really. The only thing Dan is even sure at all of is that he likes Phil and Phil seems to like him. 

There was a time when liking someone seemed to be the only real point of everything, when it was the resolution and not just the first step toward something. 

Dan thinks this is probably what impending adulthood feels like - the way emotions just cast a complication blanket over a situation he desperately wants to be simple. He doesn’t know if Phil is his boyfriend, or if Phil will want to kiss him once they’re stood in front of each other. 

He doesn’t know if his own feelings are real, if this is just a crush on a person whose brain and creativity he’s immensely fascinated by and maybe in person he won’t still want to kiss Phil at all. What if Phil does think they’re dating, and then Dan doesn’t want to? What if Dan wants to, and Phil doesn’t have those feelings? What if they do feel perfectly attracted to each other but once they have sex it all fizzles away? 

Dan knows what it feels like to fall out of love now, and it makes him scared of trying to begin with. But not scared enough, he supposes, since he did buy those tickets and got on this train. 

*

Phil stops messaging him to take a shower. 

Dan picks up his magazine again, and proceeds to not-read another five pages before picking up his phone. His battery is down to red, so he turns off the music he’s been listening to but still checks twitter anyway. Three replies; none of them Phil. 

He closes out and picks up the magazine. He wishes he had his pen still, but if he gets up to look for it the woman behind him will probably think he’s a creeper trying to upskirt her and knee him in the nuts. (He’s already spun out this whole scenario in his head and while he may not be entirely sure what’s going to happen with Phil he does want his testicles in working order, just on the off chance.) 

Phil texts that he’s getting on the bus and Dan has to put it down and remind himself how to breathe. 

*

 _can i tell u a secret?_ Phil texts. 

_is this about your weird furry fetish?_ Dan texts back. _bc u already told me about that and i said i’m dtf down to furry_

It’s a joke.

(Mostly.)

_hahaaa that wasn’t a secret. the real secret is i’m scared!!_

Dan grins down at his phone. The lady across from him looks far too curious, so he angles away from her.  _i don’t bite. Unless you want me to. As part of the furry thing_

_dan! Maybe tho idk_

Dan hesitates then decides that honesty is the best policy. _if it makes you feel better i’m bricking it rn_

 _u could still change your mind if u want_ , Phil texts back after enough of a pause to make Dan feel queasy. 

The reply doesn’t actually help. He writes, _do u want me to change my mind?_

_no!! just dont want u to feel trapped. but i’d be rly sad if you did change ur mind_

_not gonna. want to see you and hug you and all the other stuff_ , Dan says, because what felt so easy to say across a grainy skype connection at two in the morning suddenly feels monumental to type to a man he’s about to face to face with. 

_huggggggz!._  Phil texts back.  _gonna hug you all up_

_and down? ;D_

_and down xD_

*

The train comes into the station at exactly the time it’s supposed to arrive, whether Dan likes that or not. 

He tugs his earbuds from his ears and shoves them into a side pocket of his bag. He glances down at the magazine then decides to leave it as entertainment for the next poor traveling soul. He’s getting to his feet just as the train comes to a clanging halt, sending him jolting a half step before he straightens and adjusts the bag over his shoulder. 

He’s waiting in front of the doors when they open.


End file.
